I'm new - don't judge

There are a lot of things I need to learn about my new surroundings. Specifically at my job. People see my white coat and assume I am the gatekeeper to all of the information they need. Let me tell you, that is not the case. When I can find my way from my office to the lunchroom without getting lost in a linen closet I silently cheer.

Usually when I walk into a room, I am bombarded with lots of questions that I cannot answer.

"When am I leaving?"
"Can I get a wheelchair?"
"Why can't I get my pain meds now?"
"Will you get me another shirt? This one is too small."

Sometimes the questions are awesomely ridiculous:
Walking onto the 3rd floor a nurse hollers down the hallway, "Who stepped in poop?!?!"
As long as it wasn't me, I am cool with it. *Quick shoe check.* Nope not me.

Seriously folks, at this point I am lucky if I can remember the code that lets me back into the pharmacy area. I have no idea what is on the patient lunch menu or why it smells funny in the hallway. I wish I did. It would make my life so much easier. But at this point, I just have to smile and shrug.

Yesterday I had to do a patient admission interview. Fairly routine at this point. I walk down the hallway and as I am ready to confidently walk into the patient's room, I am greeted with something unfamiliar: The red tape.

I don't know much, but I know that red tape in a room means, "Don't cross me without proper personal protection." Ok, I can handle this. I just need to find a gown and gloves. I do a 360 and try to figure out where I would get such items. After about 3 minutes of looking, I see a nurse down the hallway. I run up to her and ask her where I should go to get gowned and gloved. "The patient's door," she replied. Ohhhhhhh, I see. She means the door I stood in front of for 3 minutes completely bewildered.

Fantastic. I now have the gown in my hands and I open it up feeling victorious. Now was my second problem: which way does the gown go on? Crap. I have watched enough episodes of ER to figure this out, right? Hmmmmm.... do I put it on like a jacket, or like a patient gown with the open back? Once again, I run down the hallway to ask the same very nice, extremely patient nurse what I should do. "Back open," she informs me. I thanked her and went along my merry way feeling a little dumb, but at least with my gown on the right way.

Week two of my new gig is now complete. I'm learning a lot along the way, but for now I am still new, so please don't judge me. And if you do judge, please do it silently.